A Church Wedding

A few days ago, a guy told me the average cost for a wedding is now $32,000. It was the first time I'd seen him since I got engaged the previous weekend. He guessed, rightly, my wedding wouldn't be that sort of wedding.

Few of the wedding websites I've visited in the last months have been helpful. We've been planning the wedding for a while; the ring just took a while. The unsurprising reason weddings cost so much money is that it is an industry--one that thrives on sentiment, the chance to be at the center of everything for once, and a once in a lifetime experience. I get why all that is compelling. I'm also not interested in doing it. I still believe a wedding is more a religious service more than anything else. Therefore, planning a wedding is mostly about how we choose to do church.

And here's what I believe about that:

There should be room for children, and babies, and teenagers. They should be as wonderfully welcome as adults, even with their crying and loudness and awkwardness. Actually, there should be room for everyone. Scoot closer, set up another table, share what needs sharing. Make a little more room.

There should be food. It should be good food, eaten together. Rules of etiquette are simple: say please and thank you. Make sure everyone has enough and a friend if they need it. 

We're all in relationship with God. Worship is never a performance of a few; it's the gathering of many. Let's sing together and pray together. Let's tell our holy story together. 

There should be laughter. The most solemn of all occasions still have space for joy and for laughter. If you never laugh at a funeral, you're doing it wrong. Joy and sorrow are not as opposed as we're told. Church has space for tears and laughter, especially in the same moment.

Everyone is welcome. This one might be the craziest way to do a wedding of all.

Still, we're working on doing a wedding the way we think church should be. (I said, "We!" Someone who asked me to marry him has accused me of using I when it should be we.) There will be childcare for the people who need it and no complaints if no one uses it. The congregation will take vows along with us. There will not be a soloist around, but we made sure to ask what hymnal the church uses. The food truck has been booked (mmm...bacon!). It's crazy to say, but there aren't as many details as I've been told there are. We're just doing church, after all. There are no bridesmaids or groomsmen and we're just fine with that. Also, while there is an invitation list, by all means, if you want to come to my our wedding, come to my our wedding. Just tell me so there's plenty of food.

This is church. It happens to be the wedding version of church, but still church. This same church taught me at least one other thing that really, really matters when talking about a wedding, too: be faithful stewards of all God's gifts. Suffice it to say that this wedding will be well under the $32,000 mark. We wouldn't be good stewards of our gifts if we spent anywhere near that amount.

It's strange how planning a wedding has me dreaming of church, again. How often we forget that with everything we do, we're hoping to live into the reign of God even more fully.