Just a Box of Condoms

At most of the funerals I've done, I've preached from Romans 8: "Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." I preach that text because most of the funerals I've done have been for people under the age of 60. I think, especially, of the suicides and the child who died as a result of long-term abuse. In those cases, I want those words to ring completely and fully: nothing, you've got that, nothing can separate us from the love of God. That "nothing" includes the most terrible, most painful things imaginable.

My church is doing a photo a day challenge for Lent. Most days, I've shared a picture. It's one of those weird spaces where personal and professional life collide. Especially the day I shared a picture of a box of condoms. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home to snap said picture. I decided to avoid eye contact with the pharmacy tech who was probably wondering why on earth anyone would take a picture of a box of Trojans.

The word of that day was ruined. And when I thought of that word, and church, I couldn't help but think about how many women have been told they were ruined because of their sexual history. Yes, men have been told that, too, but not nearly at the same level as women. Rape ruins you. Consensual sex outside of marriage ruins you. Divorce ruins you. Even kissing, you know, makes you a little less desirable as a Christian partner. God wants you to remain pure. Of course, that's just about heterosexual relationships.

I shudder to think how many links I could add to those sentences. I shudder to think how many Pinterest posts, and blog posts, and Christian magazine posts, and Amazon links to books on the subject I could find if I tried.

You know the result? I thought a long, long time about posting a picture of box of condoms. I almost deleted it. I almost deleted it because of the kids from camp who don't go to my church who are my friends on Facebook. I almost deleted it because of the various adults from all walks of church who might run across it. I almost deleted it because church and sexuality still have a very screwed up relationship. I almost deleted it because the inner tuggings of all the teaching about what will ruin you almost won out over my what I actually believe to be true.

I didn't delete the picture. Mostly, I didn't delete it because of all the reasons I posted it to start with. If the teenagers saw it and asked about it, here's my response: "Your sexuality is part of who you are. The church cares about that, too. We need to do a better job of helping you embrace your God-given sexuality and equipping you to take care of all of you."

Ditto to the church people across the line, actually, with a, "We've totally screwed this up," thrown in.

Mostly, though, it's a reminder: we can't be ruined. "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." That includes sexual history--consensual history, nonconsensual history, confusion, bad decisions, everything you can imagine.

Nothing really means nothing. Nothing can ruin you. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. Nothing.