Here you go:
Since their daddy owned the sawmill, all
the boys ended up nicknamed after saws. They had real names, of course, but no
one knew them anymore. Instead, they knew Hacksaw, Chainsaw, and Buzzsaw. There
was a year or two in between each son, but by adulthood, they all sort of
blended together. Each of them was crazy in his own way—long before crazy had
anything to do with diagnosed mental illness. In a different place or if they
were wealthy, they all would have likely been dubbed eccentric instead.
It was Buzzsaw who took the cake, though.
For two weeks out of the year, he rented a tent. It was one of those big white
ones like people use for wedding receptions. His remained mostly empty, wedged
as it was between two hills up a holler, with little parking and no clear
driveway. Still, for those two weeks, he fervently preached a revival every
single night, calling people to repentance. The first year, people thought it
might take off. By the third year, word got out that he’d spent the month
before dressed as a caricature of a Native American, living in a teepee on a
hill back of his daddy’s sawmill, so no one showed up.
Truth is always stranger than fiction.
I rode past the tent that third year,
which I think was his last to hold his ill-attended revivals. My best friend
lived up that long, narrow, winding road, and I went to her house at least a
couple days a week after school. Her family lived in an old, white two-story
house, more than a hundred years old. The wood stove had been replaced with a
heat pump. A narrow kitchen had been added, along with a single bathroom. Her
parents no longer wanted to be married, but a kid still at home meant they had
to be. The steel mill where her dad worked had layoffs every year. Once tobacco
season was over, a cash crop grown to supplement the income not earned at the
mill, her father would spend his days drinking until he was called back to
work. He cussed like a sailor, starting most sentences with, “Well, hell…” and
smoked Camel cigarettes, no filter. After school, we’d watch Oprah or The Cosby Show, switching the channel when he walked in, always
ready with a racist rant. Occasionally, he’d run through the house, then back
out with a rifle in his hand. “Starling!” he’d shout on his way out the door,
and then we’d hear shots fired at the birds that were pests on the farm.
Those were the good days—the ones where
he was fun and amicable and not drinking. He was a mean drunk. Once and only
once, he raised his fist to punch his wife. She told him to wait right there,
and went to the kitchen, returning with her large iron skillet. “Go ahead,” she
said, “but it’ll be the last punch you ever throw.”
They divorced the year after we graduated
from high school. The house burned a few years later, and Charlie ended up
living in a trailer in the same place. Long before, they’d given up on home
insurance. Other bills were more pressing.
To outsiders, they sound like white
trash. That phrase isn’t used in Appalachia, though, at least not to the best
of my memory. I grew up in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, in
northeastern Kentucky. Coalmines were hours away. The town there had boomed when coal was
loaded onto trains and hauled up to the shores of the Ohio River, where it was
loaded on to barges and floated farther down the river. Economic decline began
in the 1960s, as railroads began to disappear, and industry with them.
In that place, people were and are judged
by their cleanliness, paying their bills, and being decent neighbors. Being a
mess was just that, and looked down on. That family I mentioned was, for the
most part, considered decent people. You could eat off the floor in the kitchen
any day of the week and they’d gladly show up to help a neighbor in need. No
one was mixed up with illegal drugs of any sort.
The signs of white trash to outsiders
aren’t the same as they are to insiders. Moving a trailer on the family land
was every bit as respectable as building a house, and far more so than living
in the handful of section 8 apartments in town. People like me, who left, who
earned bachelors degrees and masters degrees, learned to narrate things
differently. We’ve learned of the coal mined, timber cut, and people left
behind, exploited by the empire that no longer needs their resources.
“Appalachia,” the empire calls that place, proving they can never be trusted by
Appalachians. “Appalachia” implies everything of the ruder “white trash.” (Note: in the outsider version, it is pronounced "lay" not "latch" as is correct.)
The stories we tell among ourselves never
get told outside, the stories that have nothing to do with white trash.
My grandfather, Pappaw Ted, was born in
1917 or 1918. We never knew for sure, since the courthouse with the birth
records burned down. He enlisted in the army when he was 18, though he may have
been 16 or 17 instead. By then, he had been grown a long time. He was the
oldest of 9 kids. He dropped out of school after 5th grade, able to
read, write, and do math that would be more than sufficient for him to raise a
family, help manage a household, and work building bridges. His first job was
for a Swedish immigrant, doing odd jobs around the farm. There, he learned to
drive on the red truck the Swede had, a rarity in eastern Kentucky.
Not long after, his mother died of a
heart attack. She’d gotten up that morning, cooked sausage, eggs, biscuits, and
gravy for breakfast, sent the kids off to school, then started laundry. She
keeled over the washboard that morning, where she was found later, dead at not
much more than 50 years old. Pappaw always said it was partly a broken heart;
her husband cheated on her at every chance he got.
Every now and then, we’d drive by the
house they lived in then. It was a small white house, set back on a hill, with
steps up from the road. Even then, a fence cut across the walk. Soon after his
mom’s death, his dad showed up at the house with his girlfriend, ready to move
her in to take care of the kids. Pappaw met him at the fence with his rifle,
and offered to shoot her, instead. He began caring for his 8 younger siblings.
That summer, he planted a garden. They ate
from it and canned vegetables for the
winter. They bought chickens and kept them for eggs and occasional meat. Their
family was together, but it was hard, and short-lived.
Their dad came and took the two girls to
town one day. He bought them new shoes while they were there, and other treats.
When he took them back home, as they started to get out of the wagon, he said,
“Oh no, leave your shoes here. Those stay with me.” They ended up going home
with him, instead, to keep their new shoes.
One by one, all of the young kids ended
up back with their dad, the youngest of them, Tommy, wanting to stay with his
brother most of all.
By that time, Pappaw was working at a
sawmill. His dad was living in a house in the next town over. The back yard of
the house backed up to the railroad tracks and eventually, they let the little
boy out to play. When Pappaw figured out he was there, he jumped the train and
kidnapped his little brother out of the backyard. For the next months, Tommy
went to work with him at the sawmill every single day. He hid out of danger in
a toolshed, until the work was done.
Eventually, the whole matter ended up in
court. At 16, my papaw was given custody of his little brother, now 6 years
old. When he got married a couple of years later, the little boy moved in with
him and his new wife. By the time I was a child, little Tommy was Big Tom, and
lived at the mouth of the holler where my grandparents’ home was. On Mother’s
Day and Father’s Day, he always came to them with a card, the only parents he
really remembered. The day Tom died is the only time in my life I remember my
Pappaw crying.
Maybe you hear all that and you think,
“Yeah, white trash.” Maybe you’re right. But the stories Appalachians tell are
told to convey strength, self-reliance, community, and trust. They are stories
of people forgotten about by the outside world—or never cared about to begin
with. Like so many places where money has dried up, drugs have become one of
the primary industries. Painkillers are dubbed “hillbilly heroin.” Pharmacies
appear and disappear in a month’s time or less, just ahead of any law enforcement
agency catching up with them. Young men without other jobs make drugs runs, to
Miami, most often.
My own cousin is disabled following a
massive stroke caused by drug use. He used dirty needles, which led to an
infection, which led to a stroke. The right side of his body is mostly
paralyzed. Like me, he’s 33. His mother died late last year. Her cancer was
dubbed a “lifestyle cancer.” In this case, it was code for prostitution, the
profession by which she supported her drug habit. She was 56 years old.
Those hard stories are not as rare as
they should be. Communities of all sorts outside the privileged groups can tell
them. White trash communities would be surprised, I imagine, by how much they
have in common with the brown and black communities they look down upon. These
are the people who heard the promise of jobs like they remember and voted for
Trump, hopeful, and certain that nothing in Washington would make its way to
the hills of Appalachia any way.
I could tell you stories all day. I could
tell you beautiful stories from the cemeteries where I played as a child, and
my churches, and my schools. We could sing the songs of Appalachia, “Down in
the Valley,” and “What Wondrous Love Is This,” and “Pretty Polly.” I could
bring out my grandmother’s quilts, made lovingly and with great skill. I could
teach y’all how to make cream candy and to churn butter. We could eat biscuits
and fried chicken and talk all afternoon.
But what I want you to remember is this:
you have to let yourself fall in love.
If you want to do justice, if you want to
fight for equity, if you want to show compassion, first you have to fall in
love. You have to fall in love with this neighbor who voted for Trump, against
all their best interests. You have to fall in love with the person ripping
their life apart. You have to fall in love with the people clinging to the old
ways of doing things. You have to fall in love with the people who spend
commodities like time and money in different ways than you do.
You have to fall in love, because
otherwise, you’ll never see like they do. You have to fall in love to see
beauty where your neighbor does. You have to fall in love to see strength where
your neighbor does. You have to fall in love to see life where your neighbor
does. You have to fall in love.
And if, if you let yourself fall in love,
you might just find yourself a partner in justice, equity, and compassion in
ways you never imagined possible.
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